Thursday night, I asked my boyfriend if he could meet me afterschool at my bus stop, because he gets out of school earlier than me. He said “Ofcourse!” and asked me if I’d like that and I said the same thing; “Ofcourse.” Riding home on the bus, I started to talk to a friend about how long I’ve been with my boyfriend, and how much I love him. I was so excited when we came close to my stop, that I was going to see him, because I wasn’t going to be able to that night since my sister had graduation. I get off the bus, and look around for him, but he wasn’t there. So later that night I go to hangout with my friend Mariah, who has been my best friend since 4th grade and she lives like two seconds away from me, so my mom didn’t mind us hanging out till’ 11. So we decide to go on a walk, and I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to walk and meet up with us to say Hi, but he said no because he had SATS in the morning. So, I said no problem, that it was fine and then I told him that I had to go. He replied, “Oh. Okay.” I said “I love you, bye.” and the response I expected didn’t come. He didn’t say “I love you.” That crushed me.
At first I brushed it off, but when I layed down in my bed at midnight, I lost it and burst into tears. I was so upset, because I never thought he would do that to me. Never believed he could, no matter how mad he was. And he knew, about a past relationship I had, that the situation was much similar. And that it killed me. And that’s why I couldn’t fathom how he did that, or, if I was just dreaming. At one point, I had wished that it was. I wanted to reach for my razor, and I picked it up between my fingers…but for some reason. I couldn’t do it. My mind told me “Drop it, it is not worth it. You’re better than this, and he isn’t worth it.” I clenched it harder between my fingertips, and told my mind no, I needed to! I thought it was the only way to ease the pain. But I dropped it. I called my best friend since pre-school, Johnathan Santore instead. It was the smartest decision I have ever made, and Johnathan talked me through it and listened to my tears. He explained to me that, I was too beautiful to do such an ugly thing to myself. And he told me to call him whenever I even thought about harming myself, because he will always pick up. And it’s true, he does. I stayed on the phone with him till’ I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I told him, “I really love you dude, you’re my best friend.” and he simply said “I love you too dude. Three musketeers for life!” I fell asleep contently.
Johnathan Santore helped my overcome self-harm last night, and I guess I’m writing this as a thank you to him. For when everyone gave up on me, he has always been there, I just didn’t see it. But I do now, and I am so greatful to know him.
